Disclaimer: A Sexual topic follows. Please don’t read further if you are likely to be offended or think the topic is inappropriate. I debated the appropriateness of the topic, and came to the conclusion that others are probably wondering the same thing. So here goes:
Question:
What would you suggest to prevent my thoughts from becoming lustful and for kicking my undesirable habit altogether.
Answer:
I am going to start off by asking you why is it undesirable? Believe it or not, Buddhism doesn’t condemn masturbation, unless you’re a monk, which I doubt is the case.
The physical aspect of masturbation is harmless. That being said, that may not be the case where karma is concerned. Desire (more specifically in this case, lust), as the Four Noble Truths tell us, leads to suffering. A Buddhist’s main desire is to eliminate suffering.
This is a very debatable topic, and I hope someone will address it in the comment section below, but in my opinion, the real question is what goes on in your mind while you’re doing it. If you can do it without lust, then my Buddhist answer would be to go ahead with it.
Actually, the way you word your question, I wonder if it might not fall into line with some of the “addiction” treatments out there. Addictions are a very harmful form of attachment, which Buddhists are very much against. Perhaps a look at the 12-Step Buddhist site covered last week would help. http://www.the12stepbuddhist.com There are undoubtedly many sexual addiction websites out there as well.
Couldn't resist just ONE joke
As far as breaking the habit is concerned (if you still want to break the habit), I don’t really have any advice that can’t be found elsewhere, and if I tried to make something up, it would just sound silly.
I guess the most important advice I can give is that as long as you can control the lust or try to eliminate it while masturbating, there really isn’t anything terribly wrong with doing it.
I’m not sure if this answer is adequate, so let me know if there is any more I can clarify or add. I absolutely invite comments on this post, as I am sure this is a much-debated topic.
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Our society has always linked guilt and sin to masturbation. We have always had it drilled into our heads that it was “dirty” and “bad.” I do not see this as the case. If masturbation helps relieve sexual tension and frustrations, and stops the practitioner from going out to the streets and acting out his fantasies, then I am all for it. I do believe, however, if someone is obsessed with the act itself, then perhaps a little counseling would benefit. Many doctors advise older men to masturbate to relieve pressure on the prostate. Is that a sin? I think not…
Namaste,
Alden~
First and foremost, try to relax and accept things as they are. Masturbation is not something bad. It is just a vent for the sexual energies in the absence of a partner. It’s better to stop feeling guilty about it. However, since it is a fact that anything in excess does have its negative effects too, I suggest that the person should try meditating to develop better mind control. He should divert his thoughts towards something else , something positive if he wants to avoid getting sexual thoughts all the time.
Good answer, I agree with what you said to the letter! With all unwanted behavior I think one needs to question the cause/condition of the mind during and before the unwanted act or behavior to find the answer to change. I think one most look deeper then the course layer of consciousness to move past the repetitive mind set. Working with analytic meditation should produce results. But please, I am a simple man with simple thoughts the person that wants results must like any other practice do the work.
I recently had a meeting with my Zen roshi and the subject of sex came up.
His advise was that no sexual act is bad as long as no other party is injured in any way.
Masturbation must fall into this catagory, unless the person by masturbating is denying their partner a sexual relationship with them. Then I would say that mediation or councelling may be of help.
It was put to me this way many years ago: If it is something you feel you have to do; it’s a problem. If you have no control over the urge to do it; it’s a problem. If you want to stop doing it and can’t stop; it’s a problem. Otherwise, it’s not.
I can only look at this concern from my own personal experience. I long sought information and ideas and found it a topic which was not spoken of much. I am very content now to be chaste and free from the need to please myself. We women have the luck that menopause helps us with this. But freedom from the addiction of the desire or need has been a blessing and a joy. I recognized my need out of self-pity and depression. Overcoming the addiction leads to a fulfilling sense of accomplishment, peace, and contentment. I think your question alone is indicative of negative feelings regarding the act, and perhaps your negative feelings should be your concern. Good luck. Namaste.
Wow, this question has brought up a lot of comments
I agree with many of the other posts. Masturbation is natural and actually has health benefits. Unfortunately, as other poster pointed out, our society likes to condemn the act. It is natural and healthy, please dont feel guilty about it. I think that it is unfair to ask monks, priests, nuns etc. to not masturbate. But, anyway…
Where it may become harmful is if you are neglecting other areas of your life to masturbate (such as not going to work, or school) so that you can stay home and masturbate, spending too much money on masturbation materials, sexually neglecting a spouse, etc. Otherwise, I say, masturbate all you want
To add to the others advice. I would suggest being mindful of the object of your masturbation. If you are a 40 year old man and you are thinking of a 13 year old girl, that is (in my opinion) harmful. Not in the Judeo-Christian “the thought it’s self is sinful” way but just the fact that you are mentally rehearsing an unlawful act which may, if not careful, produce an actual action which would cause suffering to yourself and others.
The same would go for the image of a married coworker, the thought may produce an action which would lead to suffering.
If, on the other hand, you imagine an adult centerfold then I think that is probably harmless. The chances of actually meeting the centerfold are practically nil and (dependent upon your beliefs about magazines such as Playboy, etc…do they exploit and cause suffering to women or not) the model is freely taking pictures probably knowing that she will be a lustful image for guys around the world.
Probably the best image to use would be one’s own spouse. Those thoughts, if one is lucky enough for them to come to fruition, will probably not bring about suffering
Obviously, I have thought a little too much about this question
Micah
I think, at least here, the topic of ‘sex’ needed to be addressed. Again, cultural context seems to have informed the answers: it is doubtful in the Conservative East such questions would be answered in the way they have been here.
Apart from the Christian repression ‘thesis’, inversely motivating are liberal attitude to this matter, it is clear other traditions are more realistic, even artistic, regarding ‘sex’.
Hinduism and the Kama Sutra is a famous example but in Islam religious scholars must address questions relating to anal sex, cunnlingus and fellatio, plus the right or wrongs of penis-breast fore-play. But all within the limits of ‘marriage’.
I’m uncertain if Monks go that far. Or if there are any intersting ‘koans’ on these topics. I would like to know what does Buddhsim say about girlfriends and sex before marriage.
Jami,
ANY kind of sex is prohibited for monks.
For laypeople, it is generally recommended that sex stay inside marriage, or at least in strong monogamous relationships. Sleeping around and other forms of promiscuity usually causes suffering, which, obviously is bad.
Sex outside of marriage is not condemned as strongly as it is in Christianity, but it is still generally frowned upon due to the likelihood of causing suffering.
I could be wrong here, but I know of no restriction of “types” (oral, anal, or whatever) of sex between committed couples.
If the questioner’s masturbation habit has been cut from daily to weekly it’s obviously not a particularly strong compulsion – something there’s no control over. He seems quite disciplined, actually! As long as the masturbation isn’t compulsive and as long as there are no violent of exploitative fantasies going on during the act of masturbation doesn’t have much spiritual significance. (Some Tibetans would say that ejaculation discharges energy that can be used spiritually, but that doesn’t bear much relation to the earlier Buddhist teachings and seems to be an importation from non-Buddhist traditions).
I don’t know of course how old the questioner is, but for a single man aged in his 20s or 30s I would have thought that masturbating several times a week was completely normal. After 40 most men’s sex drive starts to decline and there’s less of a need for the release of tension (although masturbating three times a week has been shown to reduce the risk of prostate cancer). So once a week doesn’t suggest a compulsion.
So I’d shift the focus of the question to the guilt and anxiety he’s experiencing over the matter. While masturbating isn’t in and of itself much of an ethical problem, I think that the guilt surrounding sex can be highly destructive. Guilt is painful, it leads us to hating ourselves, and that can often lead to generalizing our hatred to other people as well.
We really need to love ourselves, and I think this extends to our bodies as well. We should appreciate the pleasure that our bodies can give us, whether it’s enjoying the taste of food, or enjoying warmth, or enjoying sexual pleasure. I think this questioner should repeat to himself as he masturbates that it’s good to enjoy pleasure, and that it’s good to enjoy one’s body.
The appreciation of self-pleasure has to be in a wider context though. There are things as enjoyable as or even much more enjoyable than masturbation, including friendship, love, genuine happiness, good music, and even (on good days) meditation. The enjoyment of the body shouldn’t be glorified as some kind of ultimate goal. It’s not even close. That doesn’t make it bad — just limited. So I’d suggest your questioner learn to let go of his guilt, embrace the joys of enjoying the body, and at the same time make sure that he develops other sources of joy and pleasure.
Wouldn’t eliminating the habit decrease the sexual drive one has over time? I think less lustful people are more apt to be compassionate.
hello!
In response to the question of masturbation may i please offer my opinion on this subject.
In my opinion masterbation is not of itself bad,as i too struggle with this but my trouble is one of attachment.How many times do i need to masterbate to fullfill this desire?For me i can never fullfill this desire so i must realize this and try to avoid this dead end trap toward liberation.
Steve
Pleasure is not the purpose of life. In fact, I am not very clear what is the purpose of life but I am sure pleasure is not. We must learn to avoid seeking pleasure. We need to release semen and so we must do that. Just like we do urine. We should avoid taking pleasure out of masterbation. Considering the side effects of not ejacuating regularly, I would suggest do it not to please yourself but just for the sack for releasing semen regularly. I my case, masterbation is associated with weakness and need for more sleep. I am trying to reduce the number of times I masterbate. Although, I am not the worst case, I still think I need to reduce my counts. the only problem that I am having in this process is that when I succeed to avoid masterbation, I feel dull. Is there anyone who got the same issue?
Guilt and self-disgust about masturbating is certainly more harmful than masturbation itself.
Just an additional point on this topic. For men, the prostate can become a source of physical difficulties as we age. Enlargement of this glan can result on difficulty in urination, among other problems. Some suggest that part of this is due to disuse of the organs of ejaculation as men age, either through loss of “sex drive,” inpotence, widowhood, etc. Like all organs of the body regular exercise is best, and regular use of the organs of ejaculation would be no different. Periodic and normal masturbation, with or without an objective “fantasy,” is not only natural, but also therapeutic in a healthy man.
I think it is great that such a topic has been raised and there are some great answers. My take on the masterbation question is this. Masterbation is not naughty which then creates negative karma, the reason why we are advised not to is because every single one of us contains a vast amount of energy within us. When a man for instance ejaculates, he has the potential to impregnate every woman in the USA, that’s a lot of energy. By not masterbating you are keeping that energy within you to direct into other areas of your life that are more beneficial, eg meditation, healing, helping others and even long life. If there is no benefit in no masterbation then why do monks and nuns take the vow of no masterbation, is it for no reason what so ever?