A Reader writes:
I am 17 years old. I have been alone for the last few months, doing a lot of thinking. I am realizing that I am very different from all of the people around me, and that after I have finished my school I would like to leave western society and practice spirituality. I have been reading a lot from the Tibetan book of the dead, and a lot of writings by different authors about the stages of Bardo, which brings me to what I would like to talk about. I am worried I will have a unpleasant journey through the afterlife because I have killed innocent creatures in the past for no reason. I feel very remorseful of this and would devote my life to peace to make up for it, I know that what I did is not who I am, It was wrong and I feel terrible. It was almost a year ago, but I wish to make it right somehow.
However, I have read that no matter how experienced you have become in spiritual travel, if you have unethically harmed the innocent you will have a negative afterlife experience. But I think that if I show brightness to all, for the rest of my days, and be a good loving human, my horrible actions of the past can be overcome by love and happiness. But this is all my own research, I have never had the opportunity to speak with someone who is educated with this kind of stuff, I am the only person I know that thinks like this, therefore I have pushed away all my friends. So it is just me all day alone with my thoughts. And I’ve realized that I want to become a Buddhist. I really need to talk to someone who knows about this.